After bartenders, writers are more likely to die from cirrhosis of the liver than any other profession. Drugs of all kind have been intimately, and often destructively, involved in the writing process: the list of great writers who have died from alcohol abuse includes such luminaries as Raymond Chandler, John Cheever, Tennessee Williams, Dylan Thomas, Dorothy Parker, Truman Capote, F. Scott Fitzgerald, and of course Ernest Hemingway.
What is it about the writing process – or perhaps about writers – that makes a chemical crutch so appealing, and so deadly? Perhaps some drugs might even assist creative writing (pace Huxley’s “The Doors of Perception”)? That’s regular panellist Dave Bartram’s topic this week – and a fascinating debate ensues.
Our special guests tonight are famed library campaigner and author Alan Gibbons, and Litopian Cath Murphy (all the way from Norway, where people clamber into their deep freezes to warm up). It’s even been cold in Florida - where Donna Ballman’s iguanas have been dropping like flies!
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Other topics on tonight’s show include:
- Britain ponders abolishing the 1964 Libraries Act (why?) and the government tries hard to find reasons not to mandate a library in each school
- Space cowboy swallows 18 swords, says it feels really good
- British Prime Minister eats nine bananas a day, full of wind
- Fantasy doctor from “E.R.” works in UK hospital for a year before being rumbled
- Austrian man gives away million fortune because it makes him unhappy – we’re over here, Herr Rabeder
- Is it OK for your characters to be sexist, racist or homophobic?
- Lowly writer has been designated a God against his will – who’s in your pantheon?
This week’s titles for the Commissioning Meeting are:
DONNA
“Seven Keys to Baldpate”
Earl Derr Biggers, 1884-1933ALAN
“The Seven Little Sisters Who Live on the Round Ball That Floats in the Air”
Jane Andrews, 1833-1887CATH
“Short Cuts in Figures To Which Is Added Many Useful Tables And Formulas Written So That He Who Runs May Read”
Archie Frederick Collins, 1869-DAVE
“Sandwiches”
Sarah Tyson Heston Rorer, 1849-1937
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GIVE US A TITLE – GET A TITLE!
We’re pleased to give a copy of Nigel Farndale’s THE BLASPHEMER to Geoff North for his winning title suggestion this week! Published by Doubeday, “The Blasphemer” is a story about conditional love, cowardice and the possibility of redemption – and what happens to a man of science when forced to question his certainties. It is a novel of rare depth, empathy and ambition that sweeps from the trenches of the First World War to the terrorist-besieged streets of London today: a novel that will speak to the head as well as the heart of any reader. Join us next week in the chatroom and win another fabulous new title – in return for giving us a title!
Want to see what we got up to in the chatroom? See below!
DavidBridger: Hello! Who’s rubbing cats?
DonnaB: Is anyone else seeing ducks and weird wildlife?
catwake: Oh, I’m in no position to be rubbing anything. As my niece so kindly pointed out, I’ve “turned old.” 
DavidBridger: I saw an otter a minute ago
DonnaB: Speaking of weird wildlife, there’s Peter!
DavidBridger: There’s that bluebearded man again!
DonnaB: My iguanas are all deceased.
catwake: Here we see the wild Peterus AGentus in his natural environment…
DavidBridger: 
DonnaB: They don’t like cold weather.
DavidBridger: I’m sorry, Donna
catwake: Oh David comes in the room and my feed goes to <censored>… 
Going to refrsh…
DonnaB: Oh, don’t worry. By summer I’ll have some living on the roof again.
DavidBridger: My winter beard is on an official warning.
AgentPete-1: Might be our last evening with Ustream if audio doesn’t improve…
DonnaB: It sounds fine to me now.
catwake: Okay, back. Seems to be okay now, knock wood.
catwake: It’s Donna’s fault, tempting the techno-gremlins with her “what can go wrong”.
DavidBridger: It’s okay, Peter.
DonnaB: I’m awaiting disaster on my end. But I really want to use the new computer since the space bar died on the other one.
DavidBridger: Did it lose its intergalactic licence?
catwake: Ooo, space bar is kind of important, yes.
DavidBridger: If I owned a space bar I’d want a wookie for barman
DonnaB: Not Jar Jar?
catwake: No, wookie bouncer. I’ve never had a wookie make a decent gin and tonic.
DavidBridger:
DavidBridger: Jar Jar? Nooooooooooooooo
catwake: Though they do pour a decent lager.
catwake: Jar-jar is cleaning the W.C.
catwake: REally? How’s that?
DavidBridger: Apparently unnesarry movements are a serious no-no in the puppet world
DavidBridger: Although they do tend to spell better than I did just then
catwake: Maybe that’s why watching him made my head hurt so much. You know, beyond the movie’s massive plot holes (or rather, plot WTF’s).
DavidBridger: I only watched the pretend episodes once each
DavidBridger: never again
catwake: “pretend episodes” – awesome.
catwake: Yes, never again. Except I do have a weak spot for a good fight scene. But I only like the pretend episodes’ fights out of context.
catwake: I’d watch those again.
catwake: Excepting the long, drawn-out fight in the last one. It just got TEDIOUS. Lost all suspense and stopped caring if one or the other would end up with a hole in him, especially considering that
catwake: we KNOW who’s going to win. Sheesh.
DavidBridger: Nah, even the fight scenes can’t entice me to watch them again.
catwake: All the schools I went to had libraries.
catwake: I went to schools in Texas, Florida, ARizona, California, South Carolina, Mississippi, Louisiana, and New Mexico.
catwake: They all had libraries.
catwake: Here that, David, we’re High Quality.
DavidBridger: That’s us, that is.
catwake: Ooo, another book for you, David…
DavidBridger: Ooh ooh! Another book!
DavidBridger: LOL
catwake: Me, rubbish at titling things, up against the Master Titler himself… I can guess how this is going to end! LOL Hope someone else wanders in to share my shame.
DonnaB: I’ll give you a hint. We’re covering gods, political correctness, libraries, and drugs.
DavidBridger: Sounds like a good plot!
catwake: Wow. Heavy.
dragonsroost: The gods of writing demand sacrifice, as do the gods of the internet
dragonsroost: And next year he plans to have bananas and swords…
DavidBridger: Link please!
catwake: crap. F***ing computer crashed just as it was starting. 
RubyTuesday: Oh bums
catwake: Seems to be working okay now on a new computer, knock wood…
dragonsroost: Writing while drunk leads to editing which requires drinking
RubyTuesday: Write drunk/edit sober… works perfectly!
catwake: LOL Eve! Can be quite depressing, though.
RedDolphin: Hi Eve – what happened to your avatar on Twitter today?
RubyTuesday: Alcohol gets rid of those blank page demons… you have a devil may care attitude.
DavidBridger: Which King novel was that?
RubyTuesday: Hiya! I did a green mask thingy that went wrong and I couldn’t sort it out, so I put up the cat
Driftingfox: Cujo, I think
RedDolphin: No mask for the cat??
RubyTuesday: Was worried it would look weird too!
RedDolphin: Good idea though – the robinhood thing
catwake: I think maybe other artists might have a bit more luck with what they come up with “under the influence” than writers. Ours (other than, arguably, poetry) is a medium which operates under certain
DavidBridger: I’m TT too
catwake: structure and rules.
catwake: Mmm, caffeine…
RubyTuesday: My grandfather was in the League of Temperence… he would be spinning if he saw me!
Driftingfox: I’ve started enjoying a nice glass of absinthe before writing. Its preparation allows me to wind down before writing and it soothes the nerves
catwake: I’m about 40% caffeine, in body mass.
RedDolphin: Im giving up alcohol for Lent
geoffnorth: ‘allo all!
RubyTuesday: Hey Geoff!
RedDolphin: and chocolate and biscuits and cake
catwake: I’m giving up Catholicism for Lent.
RubyTuesday: I have drunk 8 cups of coffee today… I am buzzing!!!
DavidBridger: Zing!
dragonsroost: I used to suck on tea bags while in high school.
RedDolphin: Anyone else having very staccato streaming?
DavidBridger: NOt at the moment, Red
catwake: It’s a little hiccupy, yes, but I can tell what’s going on.
RubyTuesday: Unfortunately Ustream is causing a lot of problems… it’s much better than last week though
RedDolphin: Lucky you. I’m getting one sentence out of ten.
RubyTuesday: I had to leave last week, couldn’t hear a thing!
catwake: RD – Did you try refreshing?
RedDolphin: Being in the merchant navy or serving in the army in Germany are independent risk factors for cirrhosis
dragonsroost: It was worse before I refreshed. Now it’s only a little skippy
RedDolphin: I’ll try that, Cat – thx
catwake: Like I said, writing has a higher threshold for functionality than other arts. IMO, of course.
RubyTuesday: I write far better when I’m pissed but I need to look at it with a sober brain to make sense of it all.
RubyTuesday: Some of it is shocking!
Driftingfox: What’s your poison, Eve?
catwake: I’ve written on a low buzz, like maybe a glass of wine or a short whiskey, but never pissed.
geoffnorth: Never written drunk, the damn cigarettes cost enough!
catwake: Yeah, geoff, that’s why I gave them up.
catwake: Too expensive!
RubyTuesday: Wine! I did write five and half thousand words today totally sober… but it was in little chunks
catwake: Mmm, wine… *drool*
RedDolphin: You should let it defrost a bit more then, Eve
RubyTuesday: … cos I kept having those angsty doubt feelings
RubyTuesday: Hahaha
RubyTuesday:
dragonsroost: One of my favorite views from last year was a large group of people, kids and adults, standing out in the rain waiting for the library to open. It made my heart happy.
catwake: Where do nerds hide now? *sigh*
DavidBridger: Internet cafes
catwake: In SCHOOL, I mean.
DavidBridger: Yeah, there too
catwake: ha!
RubyTuesday: My daughter’s school has a beautiful, well stocked library but her school is fee paying. They have lessons in the library and it’s used as part of their curriculum.
dragonsroost: Most of the libraries around here (Detroit area) scaled back or closed 10 years ago.
catwake: Yes, here (US) it’s getting to where you need to go to a private school or home schol to get an education that’s worth a piss in a rain barrel.
catwake: Pardon my language.
RedDolphin: We’ve just had a new one opened in our little town – and it has a children’s area that’s fab
catwake: The library I’m in is doubling as a school library and public library.
RubyTuesday: It’s true… I’m pretty sure the local school doesn’t have one
catwake: diogenes!
catwake: Does whoever blasphemes the most/best win the book this week?
catwake: I find it kind of weird when I run across a strongly objectionable character in a book, IF that character’s objectionable-ness isn’t part of the plot/thrust of the book.
geoffnorth: train his only modo of transportation?
catwake: If whatever the non-PC thing is – racism, sexism, ageism, whatever – isn’t making a point, then I guess it would bother me.
catwake: Or if it’s part of setting up the world of the book (like racism in the deep south of the USA).
RubyTuesday: I quite like objectionable characters… they’re more interesting than insipid nice ones.
catwake: Yeah, my vocab is sh** today. I meant a character espousing objectionable views like racism.
dragonsroost: I agree catwake, if it is just thrown in to spark controversy I would chuck the book across the room, however, if the non-PC-ness comes from the character/makes it easier to understand the character..
catwake: right, dragon
RubyTuesday: Mein Kampf is almost a stream of conciousness rant… it isn’t really a book at all!
RedDolphin: The author has to distance him/herself from the objectionable traits whilst maintaining a link to the character
catwake: Or if it’s part of the experience. I’m reading David Sedaris “Courdery” right now, and the North Carolina characters that pop up on the fringes have some VERY non-PC views re: homosexuality, race,etc
catwake: and it’s very integral to the experiences of the MC
RedDolphin: It was of course compulsory to buy Mein Kampf
RubyTuesday: It was. It was against the law not to have onw
RubyTuesday: one
catwake: Wow.
RedDolphin: Yup – hell of a marketing strategy
catwake: Ha!
dragonsroost: Not L Ron Hubbard?
geoffnorth: If we could go back and save the great library of Alexandria, would we? Even if it was filled with Mein Kampf material? Of course we would!
geoffnorth: We need written works saved, even if its crap
DavidBridger: His mother’s furious. “He’s not the Messiah. He’s a very naughty boy!”
dragonsroost: David–Ha!
catwake: nice
RedDolphin: Oh no – not vampires again….
geoffnorth: Going to start Under the Dome tonight!
dragonsroost: Geoff–we need to save books we disagree with, if for no other reason than to have examples of what not to do.
geoffnorth: exactly
dragonsroost: Geoff–finished Dome a little bit ago, remember, lift with the legs.
catwake: geoff – got it for my b-day, but I’ve got a lineup of books i’m behind on!
Driftingfox: Dale Courtney is my author god
Driftingfox: Anyone know what he wrote?
RubyTuesday: Here Lies Arthur is stonkingly good!
DavidBridger: Neil Gaiman
dragonsroost: How appropriate–a discussion of gods while a picture of The Blasphemer is on screen.
Driftingfox: He wrote the amazing….
geoffnorth: I’m leaning to George Martin, maybe King?
Driftingfox: the unequaled…
catwake: dragon – luvvit
Driftingfox: the stunning…
Driftingfox: Moon People
DavidBridger: Hooray!
RubyTuesday: hahahaha… Moon People
catwake: MOOON PEEEEOOPLE!
DavidBridger: Lyricist god: Jon Anderson
catwake: poetry god – eliot
geoffnorth: forgot Dan Simmons. Love his work
RubyTuesday: Current writing Goddess… Suzanne Collins – Hunger Games! Awesome!
RedDolphin: The streaming is getting worse – I think I’ll call it a day. Bye all.
DavidBridger: Title: In which we ban Twilight
DavidBridger: Night RD
AgentPete-1: sorry… bye-bye!
catwake: bye rd!
RubyTuesday: Night
Driftingfox: Night
dragonsroost: Night RD
dragonsroost: Love that title David
dragonsroost: It’s ok, we watch the news on BBC-A
catwake: Title: Brain-Fried and Deified
dragonsroost: Title: Chemically induced blaspheming
Driftingfox: title: The Lush Ban
RubyTuesday: Title: Good Gods and the Big Book Ban
dragonsroost: Title: The writing gods demand non-PC sacrifice
geoffnorth: Mein Writing Gods and More Wine, Weed, and Bong
dragonsroost: Cat–nice!
RubyTuesday: … we should try and have sex in there somewhere… people are always Googling for sex…
catwake:
catwake: Good point, Eve…
catwake: Let’s just tack “<censored>” on the end of the winner
Driftingfox: title: The Sexy God’s Lush Ban
RubyTuesday: Yes indeed… that’s more like it
RubyTuesday:
catwake: Pantheons and Politics: Click Here for Boobs.
RubyTuesday: hahahaha
Driftingfox: Not subtle, and yet I like it
geoffnorth: Writing Drunk and Banging For Nickels. Like that Eve?
RubyTuesday: Oh yes… I like
catwake: Nickels? Geoff, you’re selling it too cheap…
dragonsroost: Bwahaha
RubyTuesday: … oh dear… Eve has got them talking about sex in the chatroom…8)
RubyTuesday: … and it was going so well…
catwake: Now EVERYTHING they’re saying has a double meaning…
geoffnorth: going better now…
DavidBridger: Title: Sex in the Chatroom
RubyTuesday:
Driftingfox: Chat in the Sexroom?
catwake: Czechs in the Satroom.
dragonsroost: Oh lord, now for the sandwhich entendres
geoffnorth: Have they started the Commissioning Meeting yet?
DavidBridger: Nearly finished it, Geoff
geoffnorth: Kidding, thinking up naughty titles!
RubyTuesday: There’s been a lot of train-talk tonight
DavidBridger: It’s the tunnels, Eve.
RubyTuesday: I love some tunnels, I do!
dragonsroost: A title wave?
dragonsroost: Congrats geoff!
catwake: Yay, Geoff!
Driftingfox: Congrats!
dragonsroost: good night!
RubyTuesday: Yay well done Geoff!
DavidBridger: Well done, Geoff!
RubyTuesday: Thank you chatroom… you were all stars!!!
DavidBridger: Night!
catwake: You’re a good influence, Eve.
catwake: GREAT show tonight!
RubyTuesday: hahaha
geoffnorth: I wasn’t joking. It’s what I do! Thanks all!
catwake: “Sandwiches” is one of my favorite swears
Driftingfox: Have a good night!
DonnaB: Goodnight all!
catwake: Goodnight all!
geoffnorth: stream was great here
RubyTuesday: Night everyone and thank you for joining us.
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